When You Come Undone

I don't feel very together.

Usually leading up to a Full Moon I am ignited. I have none of the super energetic spark that normally fuels me. The creative urges and brilliant insight that usually burns seems to be replaced with a fire of a different kind, a consuming flame that rises in gnawing uncertainty.

My get-up-and-go got up and left leaving in its place a deep inquiry that has me restless and unsettled. The illumination from a truth-seeking Sun dancing with a speak-now-or-forever-hold-your-peace Moon has me diving deep into words I long to say, truths I have yet to speak and feelings that I never knew were mine.

You reach a point in some situations where you just want to blurt out what's on your mind already no matter the consequence.

You move past the quiet politeness of caring the outcome and just need to unburden your spirit with the unspoken threads of a thousand unfinished conversations left frayed and blowing in the breeze.

That's the energy that rises upon this weary soul, that's the song that plays on my nerves. The wild call of  deep, direct inquiry that feeds the need for blunt interaction like a truth-seeking missile.

Meanwhile the snow piles ever higher on the landscape outside my window like a thick white blanket covering all that once stood green in opposition to the cold. It reminds me more of an enclosure of the spirit than a winter wonderland, a fluffy glittering trap. Oh what an energetic dance this Moon brings.

I can feel the energy pulling at the skin that covers these bones.

It begs me to untie the laces and shatter into the unknown, breaking open in complete surrender to all that begs to come. It chips away at the walls once built and demands that I rebel against what existed only as a facade before making way for the flow of authentic truth, no matter the cost.

The rawness of a thousand half-truths slip from me into the darkness leaving me fumbling past the illusion searching for the reality left behind. Sifting through the remnants and fragments of sentences, I feel lost.

What to speak? What to leave in the stillness of the shadow? What to bury in the snow until the thaw of Spring?

Words. What good are they anyways?

All this clutter trying to describe things loved, imagined, unknown or unseen; the dreams, the fears, the desires. How do you properly wrap it all up in syllables?

Better to speak them rooted in deep feeling than to never speak them at all, this Moon whispers and I wonder whose side she's on. I know this as truth even without her influences though she makes my blocks and masks shine like beacons in the night.

I wonder if you can seek asylum somewhere from the conspiring energies of the Sun and Moon?

I give up.

Dropping my guard I give in; I don't need the shields anymore, not where I'm going.

Where I tread forward, to the place of dancing openly with the unspoken as it makes its way into the light, I just don't need the masks. They would be unwelcome in the glaring brilliance of truth. The dress code for this party is bare, raw and naked.

Come what may, this is when I shall come undone.

Photo Credit: flue.deviantart.com