When I am in the middle of huge change, I like to take a step back and try to digest what is going on in my world before action occurs, even before I write about it. It's a trademark reaction of my introvert spirit and one that is necessary to my processing change.
While going through some changes in my relationship, I was drawn to help out in a local flower shop owned by an amazing woman and we became fast friends. It was the perfect place for me to step out of my regularly scheduled programming, go within and be surrounded by beauty and creative energy while everything I once knew shifted around me.
Flower shops are powerfully charged emotional environments when you consider all that we make flowers stand for.
We give flowers for a myriad of reasons. To celebrate the birth of someone, or to honor their casket upon death. We send them to those we love as a reminder that they are dear to our hearts or that we are thinking of them. We send them to let others know we care. We scatter them on the ground to mark the path forward to our beloved when we marry or in reverence on altars of worship.
That's a pretty huge job for the humble petal to stand up to, needing to console, inspire and speak wordless declarations of love and timeless devotion.
We do the same in relationships, needing our partners to be a thousand different things and then floundering in the mire when they fail to live up to those expectations.
I've heard so many times through the years that we should give up expectations we have on others, to provide for yourself so you don't have to rely on anyone and thus not be disappointed when reality and expectation do not mix.. That always seems to be an overly simplistic suggestion to me. It always seems to come down to doing everything yourself no matter what the cost or sacrifice. I wonder sometimes how the world would be if we didn't expect the services that we have come to rely upon to be there. Like if you had to figure out how to put up a cell phone tower yourself because you couldn't expect the equipment to be there via the company you pay for the service through.
While I agree that our own support of ourselves becomes a foundation on which we stand such as self-love, worthiness, respect, etc. I don't think its possible to do away with expecting things from others the exchanges we make back and forth in a relationship are what a relationship is. Otherwise its just a bunch of people standing there staring at one another sort of numb not really sure what to do.
Which is pretty well what happens at the end of a relationship; you cease to rely on the other for a variety of reasons and find yourself solely responsible for your own everything. Which I admit, can be a daunting reality to embrace at first, but a necessary one. It's not that you have to do it alone either, without the support or love of those that you still hold dear. But you have to put yourself in the focus spot and make the next steps about what is best for you and your own healing.
It doesn't matter in the end who is to blame for the thorns when things fall apart and the petals fall to the ground. When we lay the funeral flowers on the grave of a relationship, it's because of the culmination of things that build up over time to weigh down the structures that once solidly stood in place.
To me blame isn't going to help start new life over, though it may distract the hurt and anger for a while giving it something to chew on. For me at least better to allow the bleeding to occur than to staunch it and honor what once was, allowing the grief to ebb and flow as it naturally needs to even if you have been dealing with the end for awhile now. To cut yourself off from the flow of what you are experiencing to me means taking it with you in a doggy bag to deal with down the road. And that's not fair to the brilliant life you have waiting for you on the horizon.
There is always silver linings to these troubled times, though they can he extremely hard to see through the chaos and the raging storm.
When you set out to create a life on your own, you get to build it to your own specs. Yes, it can be scary. Yes, you may have no idea where to start. But one piece at a time even the most crumbling of situations will be put to right. These torrents will not destroy you and you will thrive once more. Know that.
And one day soon, when you have your life built back up from the chaos that once was, a well-meaning soul will bring a bouquet of house-warming flowers to your door in celebration of this new chapter unfolding in your life reminding you that petal by petal, all things grow in their perfect time.
~ Are you ready for connected, healthy soul unions? ~
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