Time has always held a mysterious quality to me.
I always want to make the moment linger, never wanting it to end. Just a little longer, I think. Another few minutes. One more time. Like a kid trying to stretch out heading off to bed, I do anything to avoid saying goodnight. I want to make the moment last forever.
The passing of time is a different thing as a child. The days last an eternity and everything feels like it's at the beginning of forever.
As we age, time slips away a little faster than we would like.
With increasingly unsteady fingers, we try to hold on a little longer to the precious moments that make our hearts sing. If this year has held any lesson for me, it is simply this; our time is much more limited than we would like as are the moments with the people and places we hold dear. And it can all disappear in the blink of an eye.
I had a conversation recently with someone about doing things for the last time. At some point as a child you played with your favorite toy, unbeknownst to you, for the last time. It was the thing you loved most and at one point you would never pick it up again. But you had no idea when that last time was. When my dog was sick, I lived in a perpetual loop that anything that I did with her could be the last time. The last ride. The last walk. The last night. It weighed heavily on me. Still I was there, with all the love that I could offer, for as long as I could offer it.
As humans, we have no idea when the final time we will do something is.
The last hug. The last smile. The last visit. I suppose this is why we need to cherish any moment that comes along, relishing it as deeply as we can. The very finite nature of our lives is a call to do all things with reverence, focusing on only what is most important. We have no control over any of it, and that is the hardest part of all.
For me, I'm fairly certain I'll still be like that little girl, stretching out bedtime. Just a little longer. Another few minutes. One more time. Offering the love that I am able for as long as I am able, because it's what I do.