I thought you would strike fear into the very depths of my being. Fierce One, Goddess of Time. And yet your power is a level of loving devotion that I would never have imagined.
She calls to me. She calls to my aching, longing soul. She calls to me to let my heart go and shatter completely.
Let the crumbling husks of the old paradigms of love scatter to the four winds. To be raw and open and burn on the funeral pyre of rebirth.
To be reborn into the deepest truth of authentic, present, passionate love. Scattering myself like petals at her feet, I hear her Phoenix song calling me.
“Burn with the fire that you long to be consumed by.”
She is veracious in her insistence. She shows up in every facet of my life. She won’t let me sleep.
She wakes me with dreams and inspirations in the middle of the night.
She has pulled back the packaging from every aspect of my life and refuses to let me look away. She wants me to watch as all the plastic masks fall away.
She isn’t doing it with anger or fire but a burning persistence that is saying:
“See this.” She says. “See what lies beneath.
Be here. See what is here.
Feel what is here. And be open to it.
This is a time of rebirth from what was into infinite possibility. “
I was called to dive deep in immersion with Kali, an invitation I heard long before the plan was ever made. I signed up for the 21 day Sadhana with Awakening Women, and I went about my life.
When the time arrived, I was weak in the knees and purging heavily, letting the layers fall and scatter to the four winds. I embraced this walk with Kali, beginning my steps sick with flu, fever and moontime. I could barely stand the smell of anything, let alone get my mind wrapped around working with such a powerful Goddess.
At first I was disappointed, at being “not 100% perfect” to start. I wasn’t close to being in tip top form.
I could hear Kali laugh.
What better time to start dancing in the fires of Kali then when you are on the brink of what feels like death? Who better to purge all that no longer serves me? What better time to take steps with Kali that purging sickness and poison?Who better to welcome you with the arms of rebirth?
She has been on my mind so much this New Moon past and with the upcoming Full Moon, with the solar and lunar eclipses. All the cosmic themes right now echo in her roar; the cycles of death and rebirth, beginnings and endings.
She reminds us that yes, we must peel off the layers, but there is deeper yet to go. She whispers there is no end, only rebirth.
She tells us that the fears that we have living in the darkness need to be seen. She tells us that in this time of shadow, that there is so much here for us to see and lessons to integrate. Even in the darkest times there is so much that we can see.
She reminds us that once we dance with our fears they become part of us and no longer able to trip us on the path ahead. She tells us that by looking to what is holding us back, we start the cycle of rebirthing it into what we do want. Once we move past the blocks and clear them we are left with potent soil to plant the seeds of our desires.
She asks that we dance in her fires and burn away all that no longer serves us.
She asks us to give ourselves permission to live the life we deserve.
I wonder how much further she will take me? How deep does her purging fire move through my blood? Is there any end to the fierce devotion of the Goddess Kali for her daughters?
Somewhere in the darkness, I could feel her smile.
“I know what she wants for me,
Even before I speak the words.
I can taste it,
I know her whisper ever present at the back of my mind.
Kali, what do you want for me?
I tremble knowing what is coming.
Open, she says. Open. Open. Open. Open.
She doesn’t say what
And I know only by opening all
Will I appease her
Like a drumbeat she repeats it
Hitting me like waves against a rocky shore
Pounding against me
Her mission to penetrate the layers
Break down all the walls.
Oh, Kali, what do you want for me?
Open. Open. Open. Open.
Tears at the power of one word
To undo me completely.
I give myself over
And she smiles.”
~ Unlock the Mystery of the Stars ~
Photo Credit: CNN