In our relationships, one cycle we can get caught up in is trying to figure out the actions of others.
Relationships are complex things. In our interactions with others, sometimes things can be confusing. This can cause us to try to understand the deeper reasons why people are prompted to do what they do which can make us over analyze or over think things. This can create stress and disharmony within our own lives, causing us anxiety, uncertainty or unhappiness.
Stop wearing yourself out trying to figure out the motivations of others. The bottom line is, most people act the way they do because they want to. Period. This can be really hard to hear, especially in close connections. If they wanted to spend more time with you, they would shift priorities. If they wanted to communicate with you or be beside you, they would be. You’re not what they want to do and they can’t be bothered to tell you why. Simple. Selfish. Stop trying to solve the “why”.
I know it sounds harsh.
But when we start resonating with the reality of what is going on, we can begin to heal and move on. When we are trapped in the “why” of someone’s actions, we are stuck in a loop trying to figure it out. Wanting to justify it to have it make sense can be a major cause of stress. Our wounds play a factor in these situations. Feelings of unworthiness, abandonment, fears, and insecurities rise. These wounds amplify the situation and we tie the actions of others to our own perceptions of unworthiness. We blame ourselves for their actions. “If I was more this, then they would that” takes over our minds.
We need to understand this has nothing to do with us. You are not undeserving or unworthy just because someone else is thoughtless.
Now this isn’t to say you do nothing and let the behavior continue to be something you put up with.
Sometimes no matter how much we say the things that are bothering us, others won’t take accountability for their actions. If communication isn’t the solution, then taking yourself out of the situation is. If someone can’t understand how their actions or words affect you, then you’ll never be able to help them do so. Is it in your best interest to continue in the same patterns of behavior that facilitate this feeling of unhappiness or unworthiness? Take a step back. Reclaim your territory, time and resources. Rest and reset.
Ultimately, we are in charge of how others treat us because we choose whether we stay to keep being a part of the pattern. Walk away from anywhere that you are underappreciated, not a priority or are begging for scraps of someone else’s time. Life is far too short to settle for anything less than soul deep, connected relationships.