I’ve always been very aware of the disagreements that occur between people.
Conflict and resolution fascinate me. I’ve watched people argue the same themes over and over, aware that it never went anywhere. They come to the disagreement bringing with them the same shields and defenses as always. Clearly these subjects rose within them some great wave of emotion that was worth raising their voices over. And yet nothing ever moved past that point. Like a great wave frozen mid crest, it just stopped. Those feelings never got a chance at resolution.
The conversations ended with sour faces and heavy hearts instead of inspired resolve, silence and sleepless nights left behind in their wake. Instead, these unhealed moments seeped into the very fabric of one’s soul, only to rise again at the next conflict, already bitter and festering. The old hurts knit together with unhealed sinew, raw and painful, adding to each new slight instead of working towards healing and growth.
I always wondered why people wouldn’t actively seek resolution. Wasn’t it better to be aware of conflict and heal it, rather than allowing it to fester unnecessarily? Wasn’t that one of the points of the human experience, growth and expansion with others through connected relationships? Can there not be expansion found in the conflicts that occur?
Humans are extremely good at hurting one another.
In our attempts at being understood by the world and those around us, our expressions of truth are often misconstrued. Our feelings can be invalidated. We can be deflected, belittled, or shut down entirely. Others, not being aware of our own experiences, don’t understand where we are coming from. We lash out, trying to preserve some semblance of order in our conflicted being. We try to regain ground. The core of these misunderstandings are so often rooted in feelings of abandonment, feeling unloved, disappointment, feeling not good enough. Our pasts paint a vivid tapestry of hurt upon the fabric of the soul. These past occurances lay silent, like a sleeping dragon within, waiting to be roused fire breathing and raw with hurt. The beast rises during these moments, and disagreements occur.
If there is willingness, these hurts can be healed. It takes strength to want to confront these issues, but it cannot be one sided.
Perhaps resolution is not always possible, and sometimes it shouldn’t be an option when there is great conflict.
Perhaps the hurt is too great, or the path to healing one sided. Perhaps there is no will to travel that road towards healing the wounds. Maybe the only way is to walk away, turning our attention inward to heal our own wounds and not worry about others who won’t look to the shadows they carry with them.
Conflict illuminates the shadows that exist within the self.
Shadows are an essential part of who we are. They are comprised of the experiences in our lives, many of which remain unhealed and unseen. Childhood, past relationships and trauma form the basis of many of these. They create a rich soil within our soul, that sometimes threatens to bury us. Yet it can be a place of growth and expansion as well if we see what these shadows are trying to tell us and grow with them.
Where we are shown shadows of abandonment, and the fears of being left behind, we can clear away the soil to see the roots of undeserving sown deep within the self. The echoes through the self of “I’m not good enough. Everyone leaves me. Why would they stay?” These negative affirmations give light to the healing needed, not by anyone else, but by the self. To heal worthiness. To shine a light on our own deserving. To become aware of our own brilliance.
When we are shown the roots of feeling misunderstood, and lash out because of a lifetime of not being accepted, we need to turn our attentions inward and embrace our own truth. We need to allow our own desires and feelings to be valid. So often the continuation of hurt continues as we refuse to honor our own truth. As we embrace all that we are, we need to see how unique we are, how not all may have the eyes to see us but that does not make us invalid.
Our shadows teach us, if we are willing to listen. Our shadows are a vital component to our own growth and expansion, if we are willing to sit with them and not shut them out.
Conflict can be the catalyst for great change.**
If we are willing to open towards our own wounds and insecurities, there can be growth. Resolution may not always be possible, but we can still expand within our own self. And in the end, that is our greatest journey.
**In the event of abusive relationships, get out immediately. Don’t try to heal, just get out.