When someone is truly there for you it can be the most powerful (and terrifying) truth in the world.
To know that there is someone, somewhere on the planet that is authentically there for you, no matter what can be a whole new level of vulnerability.
It doesn’t matter which side speaks it, the weight can hit like a thousand pound hammer for the spirit who has dealt on their own for so many years.
For a battle hardened warrior, it can take time to lay down the armor and sword and open up to receive the precious gift of open presence someone can give.
The simple, sacred truth of knowing someone is there no matter what can be the most profound, beautiful and scary thing on earth when you’re used to living behind walls.
But, bringing down those walls belongs only to ourselves.
It’s up to me to let my guard down.
Your purpose isn’t to have to scale the walls that I’ve built against past heartache nor is it my job to climb yours. Yes, we have to earn the right to access this open sanctuary with caring and consideration, but when I come to you I do so without the shield. I understand that it’s place is on a long past battlefield, not here with you.
Boundaries of respect are one thing but we should never need to prove love by constant conquering.
It is up to me to shatter my illusions.
It is up to you to stand there rooted in your own, authentic truth.
I will see you with the clarity of my eyes as you will see me in mine. If we like what we see, things evolve organically.
It is up to me to peel away the old and untrue skins that cover these bones.
It is up to you to see the truth of me with love or step aside for the one who will.
I’m not meant for everyone, this I know. I’m a wild, unique flavor but this heart of mine isn’t looking to beat for everyone.
It’s up to me to deal with my demons.
I have moments of toxicity and you’re not the panacea for them.
These shadows and me have been on the dance floor for years; they’re not your dragons to slay. The elixir you bring to me is the authenticity of your being which I embrace as a brightening in my life, not the cure for all that ails me.
It is up to me to own my shit just as it is up to you to own yours.
Call me on my bs and I will do the same with you.
Being present here with you isn’t being a complacent container but an equal partner who will take your proximity to me as a call to go deeper. My place isn’t to humor you because I think you can’t handle the truth and I expect the same from you.
It’s up to me to know my needs, wants and desires and to speak them, just like you are to me.
Neither of us are mind readers (well sometimes) and it’s not up to us to guess everything. In clarity we discover new layers and facets that we would never have found if we stayed floundering in the dark.
It’s up to me to know my worth, it’s not your job to teach it to me.
But if we are to adventure together in this game called life you will see my worth and respect me as I do you.
Each of us is here to honor the truth of the other, not to be doormats or to pay the penance of past lovers mistakes and prove in every second that you are worthy of the love I so freely want to give to you.
It’s up to me to walk my path and you to walk yours.
The combined path we walk together will be two wholes walking in truth and not half filled vessels tipping into one another trying to be whole.
I won’t devalue you and think I need to deal with things for you; I am not your life-preserver. I see your strength and believe in you. I’ll be your greatest cheerleader as you will be mine and I will beam with pride as you walk your path.
It’s up to me to save myself.
Because I can. Because I’m the only one that can.
Because I want to be with the one who believes in my ability, my voice, my truth and is strong enough to stand by the side of this big-hearted, wild goddess warrior.
Because I am the heroine of my story.