Our lives are shaped by our priorities.
The things we put effort and energy into are what grow and flourish. We choose in every breath and in every moment where we put our time and resources. Where there is a lack, things wither and fade, like a plant void of sunlight and water.
Here’s the thing. We can’t make others responsible for our happiness. It’s not up to them to put 100% of their effort on us in order for us to feel worthy. But, we have a right to certain things in relationships. Being made to feel like a priority in close connections is one of them.
Life gets crazy sometimes, it’s true. We get busy with jobs, with family, with projects. Sometimes the scales of effort tip and we have to put time into passions and pursuits. This is understandable. But I’m talking about all the time. I’m talking about being chronically under appreciated.
Are you always the last in line? Does everything get put in front of you? Does even the slightest thing bump you off the list? If you’re always left begging for scraps, then you’re an option not a priority.
Sometimes you have to say I’M DONE and walk away.
Not because you don’t care, but because you’ve been caring too much. And now it’s time to put that love and energy towards yourself. You were never meant to be at the bottom of someone else’s to-do list. You were never meant to be an option in a relationship built for two. You’ve made yourself a priority and you deserve someone that will do the same.
You should never have to beg for attention, affection or for love. That’s not the point of a conscious, connected relationship.
How do I know if I’m an option?
- Are you alone more that you’re together? And I don’t mean just once in awhile. I mean all the time, week after week. Is there is nothing but excuses on why you can’t connect? Repeat behavior is a giant red flag that needs to be paid attention to.
- There are no plans for the future. This is a pretty big one. If they don’t include you in plans for the future, they probably don’t see you as a part of it. And this can be anything from a trip in a few months to spending your life together. People plan things together for the future when they want you to be a part of that future.
- They don’t open up. They may keep you at arms lengths and never let you in on anything going on in their world.
- Everything else comes first. Other people, projects or everything else comes before you. Ever. Single. Time.
- There is no effort put into making you a priority. They will make time for the important things, that’s pretty obvious by the energy and effort exerted into other things. It’s pretty clear. But what about you? These are choices that are being made on where to put energy. They are conscious. They are chosen.
- There are no changes when you bring up your need for more time, effort etc. If there is no change when you bring up the things that are amiss or things that you need, you know where things stand. If you were important, there would be effort. Period.
- They forget dates. This can be anything from date night, plans together, or birthdays. Some people aren’t good with dates, it’s true. But in a modern age of being able to put it on a calendar, input it into your phone, (or write it on your hand) there is zero excuses other than not wanting to do it. Period. The bottom line is the dates are not that important for them to remember.
- You fill a specific need. Are you being used to fill a need? Do they only come around or put in effort and energy when they want something? This is another big red flag. Pay attention to when they come around and for what reason.
- There is nothing but excuses. If there is always an excuse as to why but never an effort towards resolving it, then that’s a red flag.
- Are you the only one putting in any effort? When you stop putting in effort, does everything fall apart? If you’re the one that’s always putting in the extra effort to make plans, have deeper conversations, connect or make time together, there’s a problem. Relationships are for two people, not one.
Bottom line: if they wanted to make you a priority, they would.
Read that again. And again. Again. It can be really hard to get it into our heads that someone we care deeply for and have put a lot of effort into doesn’t see us as important in their life. But it is something we need to realize in order to heal and move onto someone who appreciates us and puts in the effort in to grow healthy partnerships.
What can I do?
- Take a step back. Stop being the only one putting in the effort. It can be hard, but it is needed. Put it to yourself this way, you’ve been the one putting in all the time and energy up to this point, and what has it gotten you? You can’t try hard enough with someone that doesn’t have a space carved out in their life for you. Period.
- Make your needs and emotions a priority. It’s time to out yourself on the pedestal. Do the things that you love. Put your time and energy into your hobbies, projects and people that really do care and make time for you. Invest in yourself and your talents.
- Find people that are worth the investment. Not everyone has walls built up to deeper connection or a nurtured relationship. Moving away from the ones who have no time for you frees your time up for those who do.
- Don’t make this your fault. Don’t take the blame on yourself. You are NOT to blame because someone doesn’t value the relationships in their life. You are NOT to blame that they don’t see how taking you for granted will lead to losing you. This is NOT because you are unlovable, undesirable or unimportant.
- See your worth. This can be hard in the face of such turmoil, but you are worth so much more than this. You have a huge, loving heart and it deserves better. Full stop.
- Stop telling yourself you’re not enough. Just because they’re not putting effort in, doesn’t make you unlovable. They’re the issue not you. Some people will never get the depths of your love for them nor will that love change them. But the right person will appreciate and value that love. The right person will make time for you. Because we make time for what is important.
- You have to accept you might not get resolution. You have to accept that the things you thought, the plans you had and the future you envisioned will not happen with this person. This can be really hard and it does take time. But it’s time to make yourself the center of your visualization of the future.
Our time and energy are the most precious resources we have to give others on this planet.
If you are constantly being put on the shelf, you need to walk away. Never forget that you deserve the effort and energy you give to others.
Are you tired of settling for less in relationships? Join me for my Relationship Empowerment & Sacred Love 3 Week Online Journey beginning April 1, 2019. The time to move away from toxic partnerships and open to deeper love is here. Learn more about this life changing journey here: https://thegoddesscircle.net/resl/